On Nursing

Last night, Merritt did not wake up to nurse. In the last month, we have worked on improving her sleep habits with much success. I am so grateful for having been able being able to nurse her for as long as we did, and I am thankful (and a little sad) that that time is coming (has come?) to an end.

I feel like writing a whole post on the subject of breastfeeding, but I think I am too emotionally exhausted by my thoughts on it that it is hard to capture my thoughts into words. In nursing Merritt, I had a range of emotions, from ambivalent before she was born to near-panic confusion when she was dealing with reflux and a milk protein sensitivity (OH YEAH, GAVE UP DAIRY FOR 8 MONTHS!), to aggravated by pumping, and eventually so passionate and proud of sticking with it.

Having been on both sides of the baby-feeding debate, I don't want to shove it down people's throats (no pun intended, ha ha), because no one should feel guilty about how they choose to feed their baby. As humans, we are fortunate to have choices when it comes to feeding our babies. While I would love to say 'breastfeeding is the smartest choice,' (and that is how I feel) it is not always that simple or even possible. In nursing Tucker and Merritt, I have had a strong sense both times that I pushed onward because I was not able to nurse Lauren. In some weird way, I feel that I owed it to her to nurse them as long as I could. Funny how nine years later I am still mourning the absence of that relationship.

So, thankful. Yes.